Thursday, April 14, 2011

Colin's Norwood-versary

Yesterday two years ago, we put our faith and trust in God and an amazing medical team. We handed our 10 day old son over to an unknown faith and sat in a waiting room for 12 hours praying that we will receive good news at the end. Two years ago yesterday, Colin had his first open heart surgery, the Norwood. This is the first and the hardest surgery in the HLHS series. The survival rate is 80%, which may seem high, until you realize those 20% that don't make it are somebody's babies, they are sons and daughters to loving families. Since Colin was not diagnosed in utero, I was not prepared (though I don't think anyone really ever is) for the surgery or the aftermath of it all. When we finally got to see him that night, I could barley stand there and look at him. I just wanted to throw up in all honesty. It took time for me to adjust to the ICU life. Matt was much much stronger than me, I allowed him to be my rock because I needed him to be the glue that held us all together.

As much as that memory is etched in my mind, and as hard as it is to realize all we have been through… I actually forgot it was Colin's Norwood Anniversary until late last night. I thought I would always celebrate in our own way the milestones of surgeries, I was actually caught off guard last night when I remembered it was the 13th. How could I have not realized all day what day it was.

Then it hit me last night as I was laying in bed, a wonderful conclusion to why I was not focused on it. Colin is doing great, we are living in the now, he is happy & healthy. Don't get me wrong his Norwood Anniversary is a VERY VERY important date, but I think it's just a time to reflect on how well Colin is doing and how far he has come over the last two years. Sometimes I look at him and it doesn't seem real all the things he went through, as if it was a dream, or another lifetime. The Norwood seemed so long ago, I know we spent 6 weeks in the hospital, but now it's just a blur. I much rather focus on how much he loves Buzz Lightyear, pony rides, going outside, swinging, white powdered donuts, cuddles, playing hide-n-seek, cotton candy, and playing in the sprinkler. I much rather replace all the beginning memories with the ones we are making right now.

April 13th will always have a special place in my heart and as Colin grows up we will make sure he knows how hard he fought to come home from the hospital. But I am not going to focus on past surgeries, going to keep looking forward into the future. The pages are blank unless we write all over them. I think that's why I fill up our weekends sometimes, I feel like if we just hang out we are wasting a miracle that was given to us, the miracle of all 4 of us together, living and enjoying life as a family. We were given a "second" chance with Colin's surgeries, I plan to make the best out of it! So Happy Norwoodversary Colin.. You are my hero!

1 comment:

Hope's Blog said...

What a wonderful post and an amazing way to live your life. I don't think I will ever forget Hope's but you are right...we need to live in the present. Happy Norwood-versary little man!